There is a big part of my life that I don't really share with you....I used to be a man...just kidding that isn't it...or is it?....now you just don't know. Okay for cereal - here goes. I don't really talk about my husband. I don't really talk about it deeply with anyone. And it is strange....I tell you all way too much about my vagina, my butt, my nipples, why not my doodalood (A Ha! A new nickname is born!)? Why do I constantly feel the need to bottle that part of myself up?
Here's why. I am protecting him. Because let's face it, no one understands him better than I do. I can look at a situation between us with our entire history in mind. So if I tell you "OMG he just did this!" you would be like 'OMG your husband is a fucker!' And while yes, he can be a fucker sometimes, I know he is really a good man. I know the insides of him. But if I told you everything....it worries me you wouldn't see the insides, you wouldn't keep those insides in mind when you heard the bad shit.
But here's the thing right? This is my blog. My diary of sorts....my diary that talks back when you guys comment, which makes it like the best diary ever! It is great to get those reassurances, those 'I know how you feel', those 'I am going through this too', or even those 'I am not going through this, but I am sorry you are and I am here for you'.
There are many complexities that make the doodalood tick. Sure in some ways men are super simple. Rub their weiners and they do what you want, that sort of thing. But in other ways, they are complex. I wouldn't say mine is extra complex. The directions that came with him are just in some ancient Mesopotamiam language that no one speaks or reads.....notice an example of how my blog brings culture and knowledge to an otherwise boring day?
I have sort of figured out some of the directions to him just by trial and error. And luckily, my fellow ladies out there have similar "operational" issues with their husbands. So most of them can relate. I was venting one such recent "operational" issue to some ladies and E gave me a great response "if our husbands would just do what we tell them to, when we tell them to, and how we tell them to our lives would be so much easier!"
True dat sista! True dat.
So obviously boys are compli-ma-cated and sometimes we are quick to focus on their downfalls. I know I find myself stuck in that mindset sometimes. I don't think there is anything wrong with sharing your issues with this community of people and maybe eventually I will get to that point. Sometimes it would be nice to find some support when I feel frustrated and alone. So I will work on that.
Although sharing the negative is hard for me, I can go on all day about the positive. So I will. Today I had this text convo with the doodalood.
D: I love you a lot
Me: I love you a lot too! Thanks for telling me, makes me happy
D: I have never been happier than as a dad....and you made me do that
Me: Are you trying to make me cry? You're the best dad, I knew you would be. that is why I forced you.
D: Why would you cry?
Me: Girls are emotional you know that
Seems like my directions are also in a lost language. Long story short, yes, sometimes he pisses me off. But almost always he redeems himself and warms my heart. Go love on your doodalood's today ladies....and if you need a doodalood to love on, my brother is still available. And now this post just went from sentimental and cute to pimping out my sibling. That's how I roll.