Thursday, March 10, 2011

Harry Potter is an A-hole

Okay not the book/movie Harry Potter, but rather the stretch mark I dubbed Harry Potter a few months ago. Yeah he's an a-hole. When he first arrived I was like 'yeah well I knew this would probably happen, no biggie'. But that was mostly because he was literally no biggie at the time. He was maybe an inch long and looked like a lightening bolt, so it made me feel a little kick-ass about him. Then he invited his friends to come party and I was semi-okay with that. They looked like teeny kitten scratches, so kind of cute. But then my adorable little Harry Potter turned from a cute lightening bolt into a 6 inch long by 3/4 inch wide (I am an architect, we tend to get a little analy accurate when it comes to our measurements, your welcome) red tiger scratch and his adorable "kitten scratch" friends have done the same. Basically it looks like I was mauled. So not cool Harry Potter, so not cool. I thought we were friends.
I can tell why stretch marks don't make a real appearance until the end of pregnancy though. It is because by now you are like 'whatever, my baby will be here soon and he is going to be totally awesome and now I can hold this against him for the next 50 years and be like 'these stretch marks are my battle wounds for bringing you into this buy momma a Range Rover''. Neh, all joking aside, I could really care less about Harry Potter and his pals. They are just more reminders of this journey into motherhood.....which for the record is still looking like it will be a while.
So you know how my plan was all well thought out and shit? Well I didn't account for the fact that I would basically be wrapping up all my work the first two days this week and then trying to figure out how to occupy my time for the next 3 days. Thank God for my girl Oak and this miraculous invention known as Skype, otherwise I would literally go bananas....which reminds me, I was pissed when I went to the store last weekend and the bananas were all bright green. Sure I could have gone to another store to check, but I am pregnant, they should just have bananas ready to eat for me at all stores at all times. I suppose I could have asked the produce guy if he had a stash of yellow bananas in the back he could slip me. Pass a paper bag suspiciously through the back door.
Anyway, to occupy myself I cleaned my desk, neatly stacked all the drawings and reports for various projects up, then re-stacked them after I double checked they were all sorted properly, I pestered the shit out of my electrical and mechanical engineers and followed up with clients about the teeniest questions known to man. Now I am reading the TSA Planning Guidelines Version 3.0 and using three different colors of highlighters to separate pertinent information. Basically I am killing time (thus the mid-morning blog post). Thank goodness we had a staff meeting and a 401K meeting this week to have some other activities to add to my sad non-existent to-do list.
I know I could go home. I could spend the day making those chicken pot pies I was talking about, scrubbing the dirty floors, giving the stinky dogs a bath, re-organizing the drawers in the baby's room, or watching all the Northern Exposure's I borrowed from my dad. But then I would give up these last 13 hours of work. That is 13 hours I would be giving up from my quality time with Nugget and there is just no way I can do that. So I am going to read this giant boring manual and then maybe reward myself by doing some random sketches for new ideas for ticket counters or something. I think I will also try to drink like 80 gallons of water today just so I can take the extra bathroom breaks and walk the halls of the office building before I come back. 
I know that this is what I asked for, but I definitely didn't think it through fully. I am one of those people who thrive on having lots of stuff to do. When I have to sit here the only thing I can focus on is how I am not having a baby....which I am constantly painfully reminded of because everyone and their mom has been texting and e-mailing me and everyone at the office walks by and says 'you're still here?'. I can see why even the happiest pregnant girl could go bat shit crazy during this point in pregnancy.
The reality of the situation is that I still feel great. I get a little sore and achy in my bones (mostly pelvis) so I move like an old crotchity woman at first when I stand up to walk around. But I actually do feel really good. I am super happy and even though I would be cool with it if stuff started up right now, there is still part of me that is patiently waiting around for this little guy to decide he's ready. He still has 11 days to kick things off before we need to start worrying about checking for problems and statistically he would still be early for a first-time baby. A week and 2 days late. That is the average and for us that would be next Wednesday. So I am trying to look at next Wednesday as my actual due date instead of 3 days ago. It just makes things seem a bit brighter if you think of it that way. Of course, most likely starting at exactly noon tomorrow, when my chunky ass feet hit the pavement outside this office building I will put a real effort into Nugget Eviction 2011. It isn't that I want to force him out, but considering I have made the decision that my maternity leave officially starts tomorrow, I do want to put forth a good effort to encourage him to come out. I want as much time as I can possibly get with this little man. And I know if Monday hits and he still isn't here, there will be a part of me that will be thinking I should come into work so I won't waste my Nugget Time sans Nugget. If that happens will someone be sure to remind me how freakin' bored I have been this week? Tell me that it would be way better to be able to do stuff around the house (even if it is stuff I have already done a time or two) or go walk around downtown or in the mountains then to sit here twiddling my thumbs and bugging Oak with my ideas for funny pregnant lady YouTube clips we could create.


  1. I'm with's time to get serious with this baby. I suggest a little stern knocking on you belly to show em' who's boss!

  2. I am so glad you are still feeling great! I have no idea what kind of thoughts will be running through my head just days before meeting our little one. I hope I'm just like you - calm, cool, and collected!!

  3. Every day I'm hoping for an "It's go time" post, but I think I'll feel the same way when I hit my due date. It's kind of bitter sweet (mostly sweet) saying goodbye to pregnancy and hello to a wonderful baby. :) I'm glad you are feeling great!

  4. You know I was so excited that I didn't have any stretch marks when I was pregnant...then I had the baby and as my belly deflated they showed up. I have a group of them right below my belly button! WTF? I thought I was in the clear. Oh well, I'll take them if it means I get to have this awesome Peanut in my life!

    I can't wait to hear the news that your little nugget has joined the world! So exciting it's almost here! YAY!

  5. Dude, apparently I'm not the only pregnant lady that walks malls to get her baby out. I recommend that for Monday's activity as you will be in good company as you waddle around window shopping. And yes, this means I'm back and yes this means I'm still pregnant. :)

  6. Aww, so sorry for the mommies who are still pregnant. I'm anxiously awaiting for Nugget's arrival, but probably not as anxious as you! Praying you will have a fabulous homebirth!!

  7. If it makes you feel any better, I have more than a few Harry Potters with no good excuse for them, other than, like, puberty! Bastards!