As you might imagine, the last week has been a bit of a rollercoaster. I have done really well to compartmentalize and stay positive and what not. But the way I do that is by focusing on the things I can control: chores, work,
Seriously, this is it. Sure there are more official looking ones with fancy heaters and pumps ($$$). But this one has fish and an octopus on it, plus it was $30. Um hello, it's the one.
Just these two little acts made me take a sigh of relief. I am really going to be able to do this. I am really going to have a home birth. Not sure if I have actually shared that my biggest concern since I started talking about having a home birth has been having to tell people that it didn't work out. I haven't had a ton of opposition per se, but I have been met with a fair amount of skepticism. If there is one thing I am, it is determined. Once I have set my mind on something, I have to achieve it. Failure could be devastating. I didn't want those skeptics to say 'yeah I knew she would go to the hospital (or need drugs)'.
But I knew there was only so much I could control through this pregnancy. Women who plan home births have to change their plans for any number of reasons, many out of their control. I have been diligent about controlling the things that I can and so far so good. My midwife will check my glucose and iron levels one more time (I think this week) and that is pretty much the last indicator unless something drastically changes in the next 8 weeks.
Even after I had awesome results for my first screening at 28 weeks I didn't really relax into the idea that my plans were going to be a reality until I hit "purchase" on my birth kit and pool. Now I am getting really excited. I can't wait to put all my supplies into a bin and label it "birth kit". If I could equate the feeling, it is like going school supply shopping and then being able to write "Senior Thesis" in permanent marker on your notebook, the last important class before graduation. Damn it, I just made another dorky school reference. I would say 'I am not as nerdy as I sound', but that would be a lie and I am pretty sure you would see through it. Anyway, like I said, we're not home free yet, but it is looking more and more like a reality. Again I am not against hospital birth and I know that no matter what has to happen, the most important thing to me is just getting Nugget here safe and sound. But I have daydreamed about this birth for a long time, bringing Nugget into the world in our home, growing our family in the "nest" we built for it, it just seems so perfect. Of course, if you were to see a video of said event (which I assure you won't be happening), you probably wouldn't see this romantic view of things. You might just see a big chunky pregnant lady waddling around, sweating and groaning and looking a little miserable. But in my head, you will see a happy glowing, super hot pregnant lady with an adorable round belly, relaxing in her house, talking calmly and happily with her husband as she waits for the arrival of her perfect little Nugget.