Thursday, January 13, 2011

Ba ha haaa

I feel compelled to respond publicly to some of the comments on my last post. First off, Honey B, I wrote here about coming to the home birth decision... no worries if you missed it, it feels like it was a billion years ago. I definitely think you should look into all your options, although if you are 100 miles from the closest home birth midwife that might be prohibitive. 
As for the pool question, truth is, I have no idea what to do with it afterward. But I think it is hilarious that you guys are super revolted by the idea of doing anything but tossing it. We are talking about a plastic pool and bleach is a wonderful cleaning invention. Not saying I won't be revolted by the idea of using it after I see what the aftermath brings, but it has occurred to me that it is already appropriately decorated for backyard use. Maybe I will send out a big invite to you all for a group pool party! hehehe. They make plastic liners you can buy to put in the pool. So I thought about going that route, but I am not sure if it will really be that important to me to use the pool for anything else.
Manymanymoons- bronze it- *snort*. Can you imagine a giant bronzed pool in your house? I think it has the potential to become sentimental, but I might of mentioned how I watch Hoarders and then immediately go throw stuff away. I think the pool will become the victim of not wanting to become like those people. Plus I will have a momento from the birth and he should remind me of what it was like for a little while. :) Which brings up a random point, why the hell are birthdays a celebration for us? Shouldn't they be a celebration for our mom's? They did all the work and yet we get to wear a pointy hat (what's the symbolism there? how our heads were cone liked?), invite all of our friends over, receive gifts and eat cake. I digress.
Oak wanted to know how they keep the water warm since my sad $30 pool doesn't come with a heater. Well, not that I know for certain, but I am imagining it is like taking an old timey bath when your servants would come with buckets of fresh hot water to add to your big ole copper tub. Wouldn't it be flippin' sweet if that was still how things were? Now we have to use all this energy to turn our own hot water nozzle on to reheat our own lame. To fill the tub we are getting a garden hose (a new one so there are no creepy crawlies dropping out of our outside hose) and a converter valve that will screw into either the shower head or the sink nozzle. So my thought is when the temp gets cooler they will empty some of it out with buckets and turn the hose back on......all of a sudden I got this mental image of me being like Willy (vis a vis Free Willy) when they are driving him through the car wash to keep him wet....awesome. Speaking of what I will look like basking in this silly looking fish pool in my living room. I think I want to find something cute to wear. I know silly right? Most likely I will just want to be butt-ass nekid, but let's just say I decide that I want some pictures and/or video shot of this event, I definitely need to cover up these crazy scary giant nipples.  I think I might go exploring in the target pajama department and see what they have. Oh speaking of pajamas. This is for you all. 
Shelly, Dad's wife, bought me this for Christmas. Yes, that is a mint green fuzzy housecoat. The deluxe features are that it zips and has pockets. Hot! I was a good sport about it, but I definitely wanted to laugh my head off when I opened it. Mostly because the label says "Oscar de la Renta". Ba ha haa. I am pretty sure the man who designed this:
Or this:

had anything to do with my mint green house coat. Unless it is part of his new line, "old sad trailer park women". Andy and I have always joked about mumus and curlers, but when I brought this home, he was having a hard time laughing about it at first. I realize she was trying to be thoughtful. It is flippin' soft and all and it offers good access for whippin' boobs out and feedin' babies, but really? Does it look like me? I know I am not the most stylish girl, but I never thought I gave off the "just needs a good housecoat" kind of vibe. Andy summed it all up with his first comment: "Okay I never had a real problem with Shelly until now. She is obviously trying to cock-block me". So yeah. Not sure what to do with this "gift". If anyone has a strong draw to it, I would be more than happy to mail it your way.


  1. A fucking house coat? That gift would only be appropriate if you were the going for the Guiness Book of World Records for oldest woman to have a baby. Otherwise, not a good gift.

    I would suggest forgoing the cute PJs and opting for a cute bathing suit for your labor, just saying... :)

  2. Between Free Willy references and a mint green housecoat, I just laughed my ass of reading this entire post. I can't wait to get back to Denver to finally chat with you in real life. Sucky that this week didn't work out. :(

  3. As someone who really wants a water birth - I would totally reuse your tub. MWAH! :)

  4. Whoa, whoa hold the phone! I'm not getting your updates in my feed! I'm way behind! Catching up now!!

  5. Haha, I am laughing at my desk reading your description of the housecoat - too funny! You rock it though!

  6. Oh-kay, I am never going to take a dip in the little mini pool at YOUR house. lolol

    So I've always wanted to do a waterbirth, but I've been thinking about the water heating issue. And the functioning of our hot water heater (which is pitiful). I'm thinking a fish tank heater might be the answer. Problematic depending on the material of the pool, but I'm willing to work with it.

    And the housecoat? Totally sexy. You know it.


  7. Dying ready this!! I am so picturing your "servants" using turkey basters to keep you lubricated throughout labor. Much more practical than the car wash. :)

    That freaking house coat is this kind of thing you totally joke about and put on to show how ridiculous it is. Then one day you need easy access for breast feeing "just this once" and pretty soon it's a staple in your wardrobe. You're walking a very fine line missy! :)