Thursday, November 18, 2010

Worlds Apart

I've mentioned a time or two that I have a handful of friends on my FB list that probably need to be expunged. You know the ones I am talking about. Maybe you were in girl scouts with them 20-freaking-years ago and for some reason she friend requested you and you said yes. Turns out she is now married to your ex-boyfriend (let's just say that relationship didn't end on the best note) and she now has a ginger kid. I can be honest with you right? He is hideous. Listen, there are instances of fucking adorable ginger kids. My favorite of all time is my pseudo-nephew, Hunter.
Well he doesn't look that ginger here, but you can clearly see his adorableness. Nuf said. "Get that cake, fight terrorism with your patriotic cake little man!'. He was born on the 4th of July. He likes to cuddle with me and I am pretty certain despite both his parent's being Republican, he is a Libertarian. All of these things add to his awesomeness.

Anyway so we have ex-girl-scout "friend" from 20-years-ago, married to my ex-boyfriend, and together they have offspring. I tried to make a real effort to be nice and shit, so when she posted a picture of said kid at halloween, I commented "cute costume". I can't lie, even in FB comments, if I said "he's adorable" it would hurt my heart. So okay, I am a little bit evil on the insides, no surprise there right? Technically I am a lot evil, because the first thing I thought about when seeing their kid was 'wow did I dodged a bullet with that breakup!'. Seriously, who thinks that about someone's child? Evil people, that's who. And as someone who is pregnant right now, I should probably not be that evil. Because let's face it, Nugget could come out looking all quasimoto and shit and you know what I am going to think? I am going to think that he hung the freaking stars. He will be the cutest thing in the world to me and you guys will be like 'she totally deserved to have that ugly kid, she's evil on the inside'.
Example numero dos, let's say that someone friend requested you that went to your high school. You were never friends, but apparently the fact that you were two of 20 people to graduate in the same class makes you somehow close now. You don't want to be a bitch, so you accept. As time goes on in the FB world, you realize there is no reason you are friends with these people. But can you un-friend them? No, that would be mean! What if they found out and it hurt their feelings? Sure you don't actually have the teeniest interest in their life, but does that give you leave to potentially hurt their feelings? What if they get all vengeful towards you for choosing to no longer take interest in their posts about how they "love hot chocolate on cold mornings" (no shit sherlock?)? You can't take that chance. So besides being a little bit evil on the inside, I am overly sensitive to the possible feelings of others on the outside. They probably wouldn't even notice if I dropped them from my FB list of friends.
So as you might have grasped, I don't have anything in common with these two particular ladies, but recently Ex-girl-scout posted the link to her blog on FB. I was like 'hmmm, maybe there is more to this girl, I should check it out'. Turns out she is a pretty typical SAHM blogger. Posts pictures of her ginger kid and writes updates about how he's so much fun. Nothing that is that terrible to read, but let's face it, if there isn't controversy and/or cursing, I have the attention span of a four-year-old. Then today High-School "friend" posted a link to her blog on FB. Again, I thought I should check it out. Same kinda thing: her kids are the best, she likes cookies and finds inspiration for financial hardships in the bible. BORING. I thought for a second about leaving both of them comments, to show them some support or whatever. Obviously they are searching for attention since they post on their FB "check out my blog!". So I thought about commenting, but then I realized if I did that, it would not only lead them back here, but it would also make them believe that I will be returning to their dribble about keeping on top of chores and getting their hair dyed to celebrate the change in seasons. I have to admit, my first thought when heading over to their blogs was 'hey maybe we have something in common'. Baha Bahahaha. My brain cracks me up sometimes.


  1. that's why i ditched FB, i'm UNABLE to NOT snark.

  2. LOL. Awesome Nat.

    I've deleted over 50% of my FB "friends" in the past few months - it's so liberating!! You can do it!

  3. Haha! I've thought the same thing about some kids, and then quickly think I need to stop because I'll jinx myself. The other day was "national unfriending day of FB." I didn't partake, but a lot of people narrowed down their friend list that I know. I just can't get myself to do it - what if I miss out on something good? Yeah right...

  4. oh my goodness.... I was laughing and nervous all at the same time :) Kept waiting for "and this friend of a friend, who now acts like were friends.." to show up in this post.... whew, dodged a bullet, but at least you actually say my kids are cute :)

  5. I've said it before, maybe not on my blog but out loud (which maybe makes it worse?) - there are a lot of ugly babies out there. I'm afraid if I have one I won't love it. Isn't that terrible? I know it is, but its how I feel.

    Also, I'm in totally the same place with defriending people. I'm ready to just expunge the friends list but I'm worried when someone finds out I've done that they'll know I'm a bitch.

  6. There are SO many ugly babies out there. Ugly! But I've perfected the Awwww comment, which works in all situations, even if its Awwww that kid is doomed.