Thursday, June 3, 2010

Girlie Fail - Dos

You all remember my last fail? Well last night I had another one. I was trimming my toenails (girlie pass) and with my face that near my knee I was able to see a rather long hair on the side of my leg. Wait a sec, that doesn't belong there, I shaved two minutes ago! Which was the truth because I had just finished my shower. It wasn't a figment of my imagination though, there was definitely a 1/4 to1/2" long hair on the side of my thigh. And it was attached...yes I checked to make sure. I was about to just reach into the shower and grab my razor to remedy this attrocity, when I happened to lean over even more to check underneath. HOLY SHIT! There wasn't just one hair that was left unshaven. A whole colony of those bastards escaped me. And although I tend to remember to shave about as often as I remember to eat vegetables (so about three days a week), this didn't look like a day or two of neglect. This was at least a month of missing the same area. I decided to jump back in the shower and focus my full attention on this issue.
As I was carefully making sure to get every one of those suckers, my mind started to wander how did this happen? I started to mentally run through my shaving ritual. Lather up the puffy thingy, put right leg on shower ledge, lather up right leg.....that's it! I realized that the bottom part of my upper left thigh is the absolute last spot that I shave, every time. I obviously get lazy by the end and just spot shave my whole left leg basically. To be fair to myself (read: make excuses for my lazy ass) let's look at this mathematically. My inseam is 36" and my out-seam? is at least six inches higher. So let's average that, 39 inches. I would guestimate the average dimension around my leg is somewhere between 16-20 inches. So let's call it 18 inches. So we're talking about a surface area of 702 square inches per leg. That is 1404 square inches for both legs. My razor is only like an inch and a half wide and that is about where the math problem ends. I am not solving some sort of world issue with my math, but that is a lot of area to cover for that little razor. Even if it is a four blade power house, considering the overall area and factoring in the fact that special care has to be taken around the knees and ankles, it makes perfect sense that I missed almost half of my upper left leg. Plus it was in the back. So who really see it anyway?.....oh my husband...hmmm good thing he is blind without his contacts. Anyway this would be the official Girlie Fail numero dos.


  1. OMG - I just about died laughing reading this.

    BTW, 36" inseam? Holy shit girl! I have 33.5" and thought it was hard for me to find jeans. That's LONG girl. How tall are you? I'm only 5'7", just have really long legs I guess.

    Also, I miss spots ALL THE TIME. I hate shaving. Hate it. I'm lucky if I remember to do it once a week! SOMETIMES in the summer I'll pull out the razor for a special occassion an extra time a week, but it's rare. Well, armpits = every day. Legs, RARELY.

  2. oooooojh, sahve armpits????

  3. lol! maybe it's because the hair is so fine back there, the razor doesn't get it - but you DO shave over it. :) That's my excuse at least, ha!

  4. Jos- I am 5'-11" and have super long legs. My torso is all short I look silly almost. I have to wear longer shirts so that I don't look like those funny statues outside the Denver Center of Performing Arts. They are of these giant people with 9 foot legs and 2' torsos. That's what I look like. hahaha.
    Steph-nice thinking
    Putz- for some reason I remember the arm pits every day. But the legs escape me. Maybe it is due to the large area I have to cover.

  5. in france they never shave armpits and going to a movie and smelling the garlic and b.o. is an event of a life time and seeing a girle jump on the back of a motorcycle with hairy under arms, well i could write a book about it>>.wait i did write a book about it ignoble enigma>chicago free press, copywrie 1998

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