Some interesting things are happening up in this here house. I don't have a firm grasp on them yet and I find my brain all discombobulated.
The doodalood is reassessing his career path. The new possibilities could be very beneficial to our little family unit....they are just different than our original plans. It is a strange kind of sitch. Basically he is re-evaluating whether he wants to really work internationally....which given his major of International Affairs and what not it is kind of a big game changer.
Spending the last.....6 years I suppose.... discussing and preparing myself for the possibility of the dude working overseas...it is kind of weird that basically he sat down and spoke the words I have always wanted to hear 'I want to be home with you and Jack'. Turns out Jack is the game-changer in this scenario.
Obviously parenthood is a huge change for us both, so it makes sense that it would have a changing effect on the Doodalood's future plans. I can't really say I am disappointed....I think I am still just kind of stunned. Does that make sense?
Not stunned in a bad way and not even in a major way....minorly stunned? Is that possible? There were some really not ideal scenarios that might come along with Andy's international plans. The worst case scenario would be him being stationed long-term at an embassy in a not-so-friendly-to-civilians country and us remaining here without him. Something I wouldn't have liked, but something I was preparing myself to live with. The dream scenario would have been all of us moving over there, thus my Africa post.....but in reality?...I am not sure that would have happened for some time. Most likely we'd be in an un-ideal scenario for a while until a situation arose that allowed for the ideal scenario. That could be years or you know...never.
But again, I was mentally prepared for all of this stuff....or at least I like to think I was. In reality it has been almost 8 years since his last deployment and now we have a spawn and what not. But I imagine it is like riding a bike, you get back into the swing of things.
Obviously after years of mental preparation and finally getting to the point where I think to myself 'we can do this, he should be able to live his dream, it will all work out'....now game change. We don't have all the deets ironed out. And there really is no guarantee that he will for sure be changing his course....but it is looking like that is the way things are headed.
So I am happy?....I mean I am, I am totally happy about the change in career decision. But I am also finding myself a little sad because of the dreams I had. I imagined if we couldn't be together that we would meet him in exotic places like Fiji, or Greece, or Egypt and spend a month together. Perhaps Jack and I would move to Europe to be a bit closer. I would get a job preserving some really old shit and Jack would wear a little leather backpack and I would pick up baguettes from the bakery and.....yeah okay. So I have an overactive imagination.
Most likely that is not at all how our life would go. Jack will eventually start school and want to play soccer and go to camp, we won't have a month off to go meet dad in Fiji and we'd be too caught up in life to move to another country.....I know that is the more practical way of things. But I find myself mourning the dreams a bit.
Weird. This is a weird brain to be in right now. How can I be happy and kind of sad all at the same time? I guess I am sad because I worry Andy is giving up a piece of himself. His dream......but then again, maybe it wasn't truly his dream. Maybe it was just a nice thought, sort of like my baguettes. Maybe now we are getting to the crux of what he wants out of life......and obviously I am ecstatic that what he wants out of life is to be with us more than anything else. Because I feel the same way.