But it makes me laugh immensely to imagine what I look like at the gym. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in the floor to ceiling mirrors and yes indeedy, I am hilarious looking. As you might imagine, the first rule of gym-going for this chubby girl is to avoid eye contact with the mirrors. Look at the floor, the tv, out the window, at other people, just try as best as you can to avoid yourself in the mirror. You'll feel better just thinking you weigh 120 and have abs.
After several successful weeks of running outside during my lunch break, I finally had to cave and take my exercise indoors. Maintaining the idea that the only way I will stick to exercising is to do it during work hours rather than taking away more time from my family, I looked into a gym about a 5 minute walk from the office. And I joined.
My biggest mistake was to join a gym run by a World's Strongest Man hopeful.....or was it a mistake? Sure standing in front of this giant meat head made me feel dumpy and like he was judging every inch of me, -
him: you just want the open gym membership?
him: you don't want any one-on-one personal training and coaching, or to join in on one of our boot camps?
him: (judgy look) okay
- but at the same time it is kind of a trip working out and hearing him talk. Obviously as his muscles have grown, his brain has shrunk. Some of the things that come out of his mouth, I just internally smile and think 'I may be chubby, but thank god I am not that dumb'. Score for brains right?
Not only do I go work out with Strongest Man judging me with his pea brain, but then there is also cute Tiny Ponytail Trainer. Seriously?....way to make me just want to slit my wrists. I had to remind myself that if I was at a gym for 8 hours a day I would probably look like her too...oh and yesterday when I was there, she totally racked herself in the vajayjay. I shit you not! She was on the lateral pull down machine, or at least about to start it. She was wearing her "I am super intense" bicycle gloves (apparently you need to wear this to look like you know what you're doing? I dunno) and she put on this strap or whatever that basically tied her to the pull down bar.....I don't know. She was singing along to the banging rap music playing overhead and another trainer was chatting her up. Then she went to sit down and was apparently too forward or something and banged her vajayjay into the leg-rest thingy. HAHAHAH, but ow at the same time.
As a fellow vagina owner I felt her pain. The other dude had to help unstrap her so she could run into the office and shed some tears. But as a chubby girl I smugly thought 'I would never be that hasty'. Score numero dos for the chubby girls!
The good news is, the gym is super small and nice. Sure SM and TPT are there, but besides that there is usually only 2 other people working out when I go, one of whom is my co-worker. It is way easier to work out with 4 fit people, one of which is totally dumb and one who doesn't take good care of her vagina, then it is to work out at a big gym with 40 semi-fit people.
As this New Year business gets closer, I think many of us are thinking the same thing 'I want to be in better shape next year'. As much as I try to love every inch of myself and tell myself I am perfect just the way I am, working out does make me feel better. It isn't even that my body is changing significantly, it is just that I feel good. When I feel good, I feel like I look good too.
If you learn anything from this post (doubtful) let it be this: Watch out for your vaginas people. Keep them safe!