Are you facing a problem that could use a little peer pressure? For example, perhaps you look in the mirror and find you have a few too many teeth. Maybe you think to yourself 'I wish someone would talk me into trying meth, then I wouldn't have so many darn teeth'. In the genius words of Dave Attel you 'don't want to find yourself all toofy down at the waffle house'. Well I am your girl. Apparently I am a peer pressure mastermind and only just realized it. Here's my proof. Pickles, a friend of mine since elementary school, and his wife recently told me that in November they are going to throw out the birth control. Pickles, who is obviously a dude otherwise they could be trying for a while, has always been a sucker for my knack of persuasion. Whoa did that sound like it was meant to be dirty? 'Cause it wasn't. He's like my brother from another mother...wait, except that his mom has become like a second mother to me. Are you confused yet? Welcome to my brain.
Like any sister, I have always known how to get my way, just gotta bat those big eyes and say 'paalllleeeeeaaaassseee!'. Plus I was student council president and he was my vp so technically I was the boss and he just helped me with the leg work. Whoa crazy train is flying off the tracks! As it so often happens in girl/boy friendships, after Pickles got married, our relationship changed a smidge. Instead of Pickles being my dominant friend, his wife, Emmicakes, swooped in and won me over with her skills for cooking, her sweet personality, and her unbelievably shiny and silky hair. When we are together I spend about 50% of the time zoned in on her hair. How does she get it so shiny? It is gorgeous.
Anyhoodles, Emmicakes works downtown so we like to meet up and ride the autobuus home together. Once she spilled about the planned birth control abandonment, her and I started jibberjabbering like goofy school girls. Oh it will be so cool for our kids to be really close together, but wouldn't it be neat if we could be pregnant together? That's when the scheming started. Why wait until November? I began peppering her with questions about it. Turns out the only reason to wait that long is because Pickles was hoping for a Fall baby. Emmicakes agreed with me when I pointed out that she would be at her peak of pregnancy in the summer. She also loved the idea of us just being a few months apart and being able to go through the whole pregnancy thing together. There was just one person left in my grand schemes.
A couple nights later Andy and I were over there for dinner and I went peer pressure crazy on Pickles. I made my arguments about how hot and miserable she was going to be. Asked him why on earth he would want a Fall baby. He and I were both born in September and he likes the idea of an August/September baby because that will make them a little older in their classes. He said he liked being the first one of his friends to drive, then I said 'yeah so you can be everyone's chauffeur, that wasn't fun'. Then I pointed out how it was cool for him, as a boy, to be older than all the girls in his class, but as a girl it sucked, and I am still dealing with the consequences. Andy is 6 months younger than me and he is quiet about it now, but come September I have to deal with 6 months of him telling me how much older I am. I told Pickles how awesome it would be for Emmicakes and I to go through this shiznit together and be able to throw a joint "come point and laugh at the fat girls" party. During all the arguments Pickles kept saying 'that's true' and then he would turn to Emmicakes. She threw up her hands and said 'don't look at me, this is between you two'. That made me bust up. You don't want any say in this, we just get to decide when you get pregnant? It was hilarious.
I left their place unsure of how my argument went. But the next day I woke up with a pang of guilt. Holy shit, I just peer pressured them into having a baby, how big of a bitch am I? I really considered calling Emmicakes that morning to say 'you shouldn't listen to me, you guys should decide when is right for you to have a kid'. However, I didn't make that call. Then Monday, I met Emmicakes downtown to ride home together. We get on the bus and she turns to me, 'um so, I stopped taking my B.C.' Really?!?! Oh my god. 'Yeah (Pickles) agreed with you and thought it would be cool for me to have someone to go through it with'. Then I confessed my guilt and told her I hoped that it wasn't just due to my peer pressure that they were getting off the B.C. She assured me that wasn't the case. Then she showed me her iPhone Ovulation Calculator App, technology is f-ing astounding, we laughed and squeeled as we discussed their "plan of attack". I asked her if she was scared or worried, but she seems pretty calm and relaxed about it. She is a little nervous (probably mostly because of my wonderful track record) that it might take a while and she said the famous words of every woman 'what if I can't get pregnant?'. I reassurred her that there was nothing that said she would have any trouble. She had even told me that the last time she got off birth control her periods were regular. I told her my primary problem was my irregular cycles and that although it might take a couple months, she might have no trouble at all.
Obviously I am excited. I have my fingers crossed that in a couple of months we'll be telling her mother-in-law about how I successfully peer pressured them into having a baby. I still feel a wee bit guilty about it because we basically made our own Pregnancy Pact. Do you remember that shit from all those teenage girls? Yeah I am no better than them. Technically I am no better than a drug dealer. Which makes me think I would have been one heck of a good drug dealer.